twilighting

This evening, my roommates, our unfortunate visitor Jason Ash, who was dragged, and I had the pleasure of viewing the new film "Twilight." Yes, we paid the $9.50 per ticket. Yes, we stood in a line of pre-teen girls, their moms, and few poor dates that wrapped around the movie theater. Yes, we even managed to read the romance novel saga penned by Stephenie Meyer (about a pair of teenage lovers, Bella and Edward, who is a vampire) upon which the movie is based in preparation. And that is a task--albeit a fascinating and entertaining one--but a task nonetheless. And it was worth it, and would have been even if the new Harry Potter trailer didn't play before the movie. I know I've basically just outed myself as a super nerd, but before you hate, hear me out.

Meyer's writing, which seems to adhere to a tell-not-show rule, is tedious and excessively wordy. Aly (roommate, best friend, Disney princess) pointed out that she spends no fewer than 50 pages describing Bella's curiosity and confusion when Edward is missing from school for two days. While the film only makes a brief moment of this occurrence, but it still inherits Meyer's biggest problem: Bella and Edward's obsessive love is unmotivated.

While I was hoping that the movie might incorporate some meaningful dialog between the two before Bella declares "I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him," the ridiculousness of the premise is what makes the reading and watching of "Twilight" so hilarious. Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are an attractive pair, but I got the impression that despite all the over-acting, they were still taking the project seriously. This unconditional and irrevocable love is expressed only through Bella's thoughts and gestures like Edward's frequent stroking of her cheek. When this magic gesture played out onscreen tonight, Ashley (roomie), Aly, and I could not repress the impulse to laugh or the impulse to stroke one another's cheeks.

Also a fantastic aspect of the film was that there was no shortage of smoldering.* This isn't a production still, but it might as well be. They all looked exactly like that. Check it:

Ashley pointed out afterward that Edward's smolder (foreground) resembles David Blaine's street magic face. That's nothing compared to Jasper, though. He literally went the whole movie (okay, so maybe he opened and closed his mouth sometimes) with this expression...

... thus making himself my favorite character. I laughed every time he entered the frame.

Other great moments included Edward smelling smelling Bella's intoxicating scent for the first time and appearing as though he might vomit, Edward and Bella staring at each other wordlessly in a meadow for a solid two minutes, and this ridiculousness...

No, that's not Yoda. That would be Bella riding on Edward's back as he runs with super speed through the forests of Forks, Washington. I know, she looks like Yoda.

The roommates and I hope to soon reinact some of these gems of scenes and post video for the enjoyment of those of you who prefer not to spend the movie fare. Even so, I would still have to recommend that you do. It may the best unintentional comedy I've seen.

*One of the most frequently used words in the Twilight book series, along with "perfect," "beautiful," and variations of "dazzle."